Open Doors.

Wow. That's the only word that comes into my head once I think about my single life after the breakup. I see people who I would never think be interested that are now interested, new people and old people. I don't know what to think. My positioning is never to be a player or let more than one thing at a time happen. I have avoided a lot of these people and let them know. Instead of looking for a relationship, I'm going to see how things grow as being friends for now and see how that ends up. My philosophy is that if you grow to become best friends with a person, a relationship with them will be incredible because you know exactly what they look for, what they like, and most of all, you can be so close to them and be more comfortable than ever. What will happen? I will just see...

New Horizons.

It's over. Time to be along side of Jason Derulo and to get it in like Mike a.k.a. "The Situation".

The beginning of the end..

Today is probably where it's over. One more oppurtunity to see how I feel and realize what is best for me. I know this thing is now one sided and it barely has that much to be said. I am going in to today wishing for a return that may be less predictable to come back than the return of the Lord himself. I want it, but if not, forget it. I know I have options and others that will care for me and will not be stubborn the way she is. I feel as if we are just letting this relationship being dragged along and not caring. More from her side than mine. It's fine though because saying more here than what the title says, today is more than likely the end..

How will it turn out?

School changes everything for me. No worries, doubt, or wondering. Friends do an ever job with that. I think to myself, "hmm.. what causes me to think this at school, but outside of it, the whole perspective changes?" The answer still hasn't presented itself. The time spent seems to make it worse almost. It is confusing and weird. atirnisat, ittmtaf? too much to say...

coming together.

Hmm.. seems like things have became better in such small amounts of time. Old friendships becoming new again for one. I don't want to lose new ones though because my urge to gain these old ones. Ok, besides that, things are better. I got things settled out and said how I felt. It seemed to work.. or least I hope. Let's not speak too early. Life's new light shined upon me today. Let's hope it continues to blind me because clouds repeatedly block it. Every song I listen to feels like my life is being spoke about which only makes my thoughts deeper. They all remind me of you and make everything that is even close to our relationship, description wise, be put to the test. My mind is just at a continuous cycle of repeated circumstances that interfere with us and it keeps me wondering. In the end, I remember what I have been through to have this chance and how I don't regret one single thing. It has all fallen into place. The only thing that could make this the least bit better is if we were both where we should be with God. Well, I guess I will speak for myself because behind closed doors, who knows what you and your relationship with him is like. I know when it comes to me, that I have this camp each summer that ignites me, but the flame is always abolished by my selfishness with my time. I don't want my time spent for no one else but myself. What a horrible thing, but true. Ok, well all I feel needed to be released, is now open for your eyes.

Blah.

Oh yes.
Starts wonderful.
An hour passes,
here comes typical.
Where did it happen,
what made it turn,
a month ago,
thats what I yearn,
for,
what happened to before,
all of my emotions begin to hit the floor,
they all begin to pour,
for some reason my mind just soars.

hmmm...

Oh. This can't be it. It seems like where I have been has been it. As each day passes, it becomes so much more obvious that I need to relax, kick back, and quit worrying. It only leads to me making my life stressful. I know that I compare myself to those who aren't comparable because of our lifestyles, which is a habit that I hate with a passion, but it just continues to cross my mind. Why can't I be happy with who I am? This thought has never been here either. It only happens at this time in my life. Any other time, it is if my life is a breeze. Who knows. I am happy but miserable with myself. It does not make sense. I guess it is something that will have to go away on its own. Each time spent with friends is such a relief to my thoughts. It is much easier. It may just be because of the things I am used to which makes this so unrelatable, but it didn't start that way. It was wonderful and I want that wonderful back. I still enjoy it, but I am feeling as if it is weird now. I hate it. A lot. I will just hang in there and see how it goes and hope that this doesn't ruin anything because many know how I feel.